Today I was reading back through some old emails that I had labeled “keepers” and found one from a dear friend. She and I were interns at Teen Mania together and became fast friends because we were both from Ohio. We remained friends and visited one another throughout our college years. I even had the privilege of being in her wedding way back in 1997. A couple of years ago, her husband was taken from her and their two small children in a freak bicycle accident.
I remember seeing my friend at the funeral and being absolutely in awe of her strength and reliance on the Lord. And as I got deeper into my marriage, and reflected back on what it would mean to loose my husband and the father of my children, my admiration for her only grew. The email I found was called “reflections.” It was her thoughts and feelings on the one year anniversary of her. She wrote about what she missed most about her Love, what he meant to her life, how she felt when he died, and what she was thankful for. She also wrote the following:
This is what I have learned since my husbands death…
• Life can be short so don’t waste the moments I have right now. God, people and relationships are what matter most, so I need to spend my energy in the right way. Let people know how important they are to me. Share your feelings now.
• This world is not a fair world, so instead of asking why, ask why not me? I have received many blessing that I did not earn so why not accept the tragedies as well. It is not fair to say that I only accept the good in life and not the bad as well. If everything was fair I would never get what I don’t deserve and always get what I do deserve. I would rather live in a world filled with God’s grace than a completely fair world.
• I am not in control of my life. There is a randomness to life that is beyond my control.
• God gives us what we need to get through difficult times. He carries us when we can’t go on.
• I have realized that withdrawing from others means death to my soul. Choosing to live, love and give again means my heart will grow and that I will experience sorrow again. If you love much, you have much to loose. I can make a choice - life or death, it is up to me and no one else.
• Take life one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Set small goals that you can accomplish and eventually you have accomplished a lot.
• The best way to get through grief is to share your feeling with others. Talk about it. Journal about it. Schedule time to do it.
• When someone is sharing with me I can be a better listener by not trying to fix their pain, but by being interested in how they are feeling. Accepting their feelings and not trying to change them.
• Don’t waste the pain, be a better person because of it.
• Everybody grieves differently; there is no right or wrong way. Don’t compare myself with others.
And if my friend is reading this today, I wanted to let her know that her life has been an example. One day, when the rains fall on my life, I pray I can respond as Christ-like as you.
